Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I intend to get homeless drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
