we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
