but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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