So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
