smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
