Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
