Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
they need to just BURY HIM!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
