I got chris browned last night
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Shame is for Republicans.
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