I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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