paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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