Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
