Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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