I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
