what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
