I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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