I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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