Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
