Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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