Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
