you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
