Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
