and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my liver is dry heaving
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
