Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
