If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
