Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
