I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've blown a few things in my day
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Boobs speak an international language.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
