I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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