When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think your dad took our porno
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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