Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
