I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
