Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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