best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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