if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
