so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
