im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
