they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
