i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
