I just pynch a tree in the face
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
