Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I deserve this hangover.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
