you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
