I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
