I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
