i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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