listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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