I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
