Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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