it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
