you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
