I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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