I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
