u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
