Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
