If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
