I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
