I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
